I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
