i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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