Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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