Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
