some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize