Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
