At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
