you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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