I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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