I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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