She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
