Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i out mim tonsoeep
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