I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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