tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
FUCK WHALES
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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