what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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