Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
