I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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