smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
