New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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