Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
