FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
did i just pee glitter
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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