Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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