I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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