I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
