Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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