Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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