I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How's work?
Spinning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
