her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
