i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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