next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
