Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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