i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
