it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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