The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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