Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
