I just pynch a tree in the face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
