Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
