i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
