Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
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you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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