now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
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