I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
