Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
