My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm like, not good at living.
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