God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
