he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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