We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
