Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's always time for handjobs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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