I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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