I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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