It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
