she woke up with a sticky ear
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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