Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize