my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
