"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
