I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
