:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
