remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
