I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
