don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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