My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
