Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
should my penis look like a turkey
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
