now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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