Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
