16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
