we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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