he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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