after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
