Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
