Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
