Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
two words: eviction party
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Couch. On fire.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
