I want to stick my p in your. b.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
