"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
