I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
