You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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