that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
