i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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