So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
