I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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