if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
