i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
