i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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