At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
