Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
